An unsuccessful or unhealthy relationship with a partner is similar to the relationship that were observed in your family. Everywhere you face problems associated with attachment, personal boundaries, self-esteem, dependence on others, lack of confidence and willingness to tolerate physical or emotional violence.
In your partner you are attracted not by his qualities, which are often very unpleasant, but only by the fact that the entire dynamics of relations is already familiar to you. It seems to you that you can control what you already know, as opposed to something new that frightens.
If someone treats you too well, you begin to expect a trick at any moment. The brain tries to convince that it is better to know the whole truth at once. You need to understand that a dysfunctional relationship is much worse than the lack of a relationship in general.
Unfortunately, if you have already learned the dynamics of unhealthy relationships, you have learned to play by these rules. If someone controls you too much, you begin to react passively-aggressively. With a cruel and aggressive person, you do everything not to provoke him for aggression.
If the partner emotionally moves away, you know how to tie him to yourself, showing how wrong are and that you need help all the time. All these patterns of behavior seem relatively normal, because they are familiar. You should look at the most common signs that your partner is controlling you all the time:
#1. Isolating you from friends and family. This is the first step of a controlling man. He does not think that you need to spend so much time speaking on the phone with your mother, or communication with friends.
#2. He criticizes you almost all the time. This happens even if to speak about the smallest things. He starts criticizing how you look, how you speak and how you behave.
#3. Veiled or overt threats, against you or them. He can manipulate you by threatening of leaving you or injuring physical violence.
#4. Making acceptance/caring/attraction conditional. He is constantly showing that you are not good enough for him and you need to do your best to attract him.
#5. An overactive scorecard. He always remembers everything bad you had in the past. This can be really tiresome.
#6. Using guilt as a tool. He is constantly making you feel guilty and then use this to manipulate you and to try to make you make amends.
#7. Creating a debt you are beholden to. All his good gestures like giving you his car, or letting you live in his house can be used as tools for manipulation in the future.
#8. He does not trust you. A controlling man wants to know everything about you. He starts checking your mobile phone, emails and your social networks.
#9. Overactive jealousy, accusations, or paranoia. He is too jealousy. He starts being angry even if he sees a man one hundred meters from you.
#10. Not respecting your need for time alone. He does not understand that every person needs his own private space and time for his own needs. He always tries to make you feel guilty for spending time on your own.
#11. Making you earn trust or other good treatment. If you have a serious relationship, your partner needs to trust you. He should not make you earn his trust on a regular basis.
#12. Presuming you guilty until proven innocent. He gets angry for nothing and you always need to prove your innocence.
#13. You start thinking that it is easier to accept his position that to say something. You are so exhausted that you do not have any strength to explain something to your partner.
#14. He does not respect your cultural, religion or other personal views. He always tries to make you feel stupid or miserable.
#15. You start thinking that you are not good for him. A controlling man wants you to feel like you are not worthy his love, so you always need to prove something.
#16. He ridicules almost everything. Humor is good, but not when you constantly feel emotional abuse from your partner.
#17. Sexual interactions upset you. You feel satisfied with your sexual life very seldom. He is selfish and wants to satisfy only his needs.
#18. He is not able to hear your point of view. He has his own opinion and thinks that he is always right.
#19. Pressuring you toward unhealthy behaviors, like substance abuse. You understand that being with this man can be harmful not only emotionally, but for your health.
#20. He does not believe in you. Your partner constantly makes you have doubts in your work and even in yourself.